Lonely Here Tonight
by MG12CSI16
Summary: He can't understand, if she won't let him in. But for Kensi it's easier said than done.


Densi agnst! I don't know why but I've been in an angsty kind of mood all day and it led to this. Hopefully you enjoy it and don't forget to leave a review!

I own nothing.

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**Lonely Here Tonight**

_"God Kens, why can't you just let me in?" _

It's funny really, the way he can still get to her like this, even if he's not around. Just his voice on her answering machine is enough to drive her crazy, make her wonder why it's so hard for her. Why can't she just let him in and tell him about her life, move on and make one with him? Maybe it's because she's scared? No that can't be it, she's Kensi Blye, the girl made of stone, and she's not afraid of anything.

So why then, does she find it so difficult to tell him about herself, her past, the things that make her tick? Because eventually he'll leave. Wether he means to or not, he'll leave her one day. And for her that's just too much to bare.

So she buries herself in cases, trying her best to act like an adult around him and ignore the pain and heartache she feels. He glares at her from across the room, just to remind her that this was her mess and he won't be the one to clean it up. she thinks she's got it under control but eventually she'll realize she's wrong.

Soon she starts feeling lonely, her empty apartment no longer an escape, but a prison instead. Sleeping alone is almost unbearable, as she had become so accustomed to the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around her waist and his breath on the back of her neck. His scent on her sheets drives her crazy and she washes them over and over before it finally starts to fade.

Now she sits on her couch, flipping aimlessly through the tv channels before she finally gives in and reaches for her car keys. The tears burn her eyes as she drives the all too familiar route to his apartment. To her it's a sign of weakness, but this time she doesn't really care, because she knows it would happen eventually.

She wipes them away, because she'd be damned if he saw her cry. She parks outside and sees that his light is still on even though something inside of her desperately hoped it wouldn't be. Sucking in a deep breath she gets out and finds herself outside of his door, her hand lingering in mid air as she hesitated.

Eventually she knocks, but she doesn't hear anything and she almost leaves before the door swings open and he's standing there with his arms folded over his chest and his normally blue eyes dark and angry.

"What do you want, Kensi?" His voice is cold and harsh and she starts to wish she had just stayed home and watched the infomercials she was so used to. She opens her mouth to speak, but her mouth feels dry and she just can't get the words out.

Thankfully, Deeks seems to sense her desperation and steps aside to let her in. She looks around warily, as if she's waiting for another woman to walk out of his bedroom, because let's face it, Deeks was always better at moving on. But they're the only two there and the tension quickly mounts and soon she feels like she can't breathe.

"So," he says, walking around her to sit on the couch. "What do you want?" The question makes Kensi laugh, because if she were being honest, she had no clue what she wanted. She was torn between wanting him to take her to bed and hold her close and wanting to forget they had ever happened. She chews her bottom lip and slowly walks over and sits beside him, so close she can feel the heat radiating from his body.

Cautiously she lays her hand on top of his, just to see if he'll pull away. When he doesn't respond she feels her body relax and leans a little closer until her head is resting on his shoulder and she can feel his breath on her cheek.

"Are you going to say anything?" he asks, slight irritation tinging his voice as he runs his hand through his long curls. She sharply lets out the breath she had been holding and tries to ignore the knot in her stomach as the feeling had threatened to consume her.

"I don't know what you want me to say?" she admits sadly, staring down at her lap. Deeks sighs and rubs his hand roughly over his mouth as he thinks.

"I want you to tell me why it's so hard for you to love me. Hell, I want to know why it's so hard for you to even talk to me about anything that isn't work related," he exclaims, and she shrinks back against the couch because that's the questions she had been dreading for these last three weeks. When she doesn't answer he becomes agitated and starts pacing the floor. he clasps his hands together and his gaze never wanders to her until she finally speaks.

"I'm scared," she says simply, giving her shoulders a small shrug as she fought back her tears. Deeks stopped pacing and looked back at her, noticing the moisture in her eyes and realizing he might have finally broken the barrier he had been fighting for the last two years. He watches Kensi wipe furiously at her eyes, but there's no hiding the tears that had already escaped and trickled down her cheeks. She stands up and he can see her knees shaking as she takes the three steps towards him until they're face to face.

"I'm scared," she says again, louder than before and he can hear the anger and frustration, he can see it in her eyes and in her body language as she balls her fists and clenches her jaw. "I don't want you to leave me," she tells him and he almost can't believe what he's hearing. It's such a ridiculous statement that he laughs, only stopping when he see's the furious expression in her eyes. He puts his hands on her shoulders and leans down until there are only mere inches between them.

"I would never leave you Kens, don't you know that?" She shakes her head and backs away, because suddenly she can't bare to have him near. Not when he doesn't understand.

"You will," she insists, raking her fingers through her hair. "You might not mean it but eventually something will take you away from me, and I can't handle that." She curses silently when her voice audibly cracks at the end and her lip quivers. Deeks looks as if she had just struck him, his mouth falling open with a _woosh_ of air. He studies her, taking in the dishevled woman in front of him with red rimmed eyes and a mass of wild curls falling down her back.

She's chewing her bottom lip, waiting for him to say something, anything. When he finally speaks it's as if he's plunged a knife into her heart and she can no longer breath.

"You're right. Eventually I will, but that doesn't mean I won't love you until the end," he tells her, and she feels her head shoot upright almost instantly. She laughs, but it's not her normal laugh, the loud, almost cackling sound she makes when Deeks cracks a joke in the car. This one's different, borderline hysterical, as if she can't believe what she's hearing. He's not supposed to agree, he's supposed to argue with her and convince her she's wrong. She's about to yell, give him a piece of her mind because that's what Kensi does. But before she can Deeks lips smash against hers and his hand rests on the small of her back, holding her against him.

She wants to push him away, because there's no way in hell he's getting away with this that easy, but she can't bring herself to do it. She melts into him almost immediately, like she's putty in his hands. Her fingers tangle in his long hair as his hands move up and down the curves of her body until the need to breathe overwhelms them. Panting, they don't let go, there arms wrapped around each other like sources of oxygen.

Kensi buries her face in his chest, listening to the eratic beat of his heart as she struggles to catch her breath. They don't speak, because it would ruin the moment and right now she wouldn't trade it for anything. She just stands and let's Deeks hold her, his hands rubbing soothing circles on her back. He leans down and his hair tickles her cheek as he whispers a single word that sends shivers through her entire body.

"Stay."


End file.
